Channeling My Inner Italian Grandmother

I should probably note, I do not have a "real" Italian Grandmother, but if I did her name would be Nona and she would think my Spaghetti and Meatballs were RIDICULOUSLY good.

Seriously, this stuff was so good I'm going to have crazy sex like dreams of it while I'm wasting away from being on Weight Watchers (which I'm going back on tomorrow... and I really mean it this time too).

Cover the bottom of a very deep pot with Olive Oil. I know some people will say "Good Olive Oil", but honestly, I live in Lawton, Oklahoma and I'm fairly certain Walmart does not carry any "good" Olive Oil. I probably wouldn't even know what "good" Olive Oil is from "bad" Olive Oil, so I have to work with what I got. Also, I used a medium sized pot, and I really should have used the afore mentioned Very Deep Pot. Nona was telling me this, but I tuned her out. If I had listened to Nona, I may not have made such a big mess on the stove top, but I'm young (cough) I make mistakes. It's allowed.

I cut up 1 1/2 onions. I really meant to only cut up half an onion, but once I put it in the pan, I felt like I didn't have enough, so I went and got another onion. I also got out 4 cloves of garlic, peeled it and kind of half smushed it with my chef's knife. I decided not to use my garlic smasher thingy because I wanted ALL the garlic in the pot, and the smasher thingy tends to leave stuff behind. I put the garlic in the pot with the onions on medium heat.

I didn't want to walk off and burn the garlic or over cook the onions, so I stuck to my guns and stirred the contents around until the onions became translucent. I also added a little splash of salt and fresh cracked pepper at this time too. I don't know why, it just sounded good. I guess I should mention I'm doing this all on medium/high heat.

Once the onions and garlic have infused flavor into the Olive Oil, lower the heat to medium/low, add two large cans of crushed tomatoes and one medium sized can of tomato sauce into the pot. Fill the medium sized can with water and pour it in to the pot too.

Add about 1/2 a tablespoon of powdered Oregano, and 1/2 a tablespoon of dried Oregano. 1/2 a tablespoon of dried basil (if you don't have that, I used dried parsley and didn't have any issues, though Nona was a bit disgusted at this point, but I did not have any dried basil, and a girl's gotta do what a girl's gotta do).

Add some more salt and pepper, maybe about a teaspoon each. I also added a few shakes of my favorite seasoning salt (Suzie Q's Santa Maria Style Seasoning. It is ridiculously good), and ended with a tablespoon of sugar. Stir all the contents up and cook on medium to low heat.

Now for the meatballs. (Nona was not impressed when I called them Big Schwetty Balls, so I will "try" to be nice and not make jokes about Big Balls from here on out).

From what I recall, I had about a pound of ground beef (maybe a little more. I don't get my ground beef from the store. I live on a sort of ranch, and we get our own beef from cows raised on the property. It's all processed, and much much much better than what you get in the store). I did, however, buy about a pound of ground pork. Combine the two, add two eggs, and about 3/4 a cup of bread crumbs.

Truth time, I'm not sure how much bread crumbs I added. I had some panko left over from a stuffed mushroom recipe, and used the last of it. I think it was about 3/4. I know it wasn't a full cup, but more than 1/2 a cup. Add some salt and pepper (like maybe a teaspoon each). Add about two tablespoons of dried parsley flakes. Mix this all together, and start forming your meatballs. I didn't want small balls, I wanted nice round, chunky balls. The kind you can sink your...

Anyway, I made them fairly large. Not as big as a baseball, but bigger than a golf ball. Get yourself a big skillet, cover the bottom with Olive Oil and gently place your meatballs in the pan. By the way, I read somewhere that you don't want to shape your meatballs too compactly. They should be fairly loose, but not enough to fall apart. If you make them too compact, they will be heavy and not light. I followed those instructions, and did not go wrong. Brown the meatballs on all sides, then put them in the pot with all the sauce. Don't worry about cooking the meat all the way through, the time in the sauce will do that. I got about 10 nice sized meatballs out of the whole mixture. I also added all the left over Olive Oil flavored from the meat. I mean, if you are gonna grow big, go big. Nona approved.

Okay, at this point I have to say, exact measurements are for sissies unless you are baking. I don't know if I added half a table spoon or two teaspoons or whatever. I just added what seemed right, and tasted it a little at a time. If I didn't roll my eyes back and pass out from disgust I knew I had the right combination.

Turn the heat down to low, and let it simmer covered, stirring occasionally. After about two hours, I added a small can of tomato paste to help the thickening process. I also added a little more salt and dried oregano. I made sure to scrape the bottom of the pan with my wooden spoon (carefully so that I didn't mess up the meat balls). Let the pot go on low/simmer for another 3-4 hours until it's all cooked down. I left it uncovered after this point.

It will seem sort of soupy in the beginning, but after about 3 hours and a can of tomato paste, it will look like this. Really, I think I cooked it a total of 6 hours. Well worth the time and attention.

By the way, this is where the very deep pan idea comes in to play. You will not regret it when you go to clean up the stove later.



Now all that is left is boiling your pasta! I'd tell you how to do that, but seriously, if you don't know how to boil pasta there is nothing Nona or I can do for you. Take out may be your best option.